


Trying to Mold the Dust back into a Halo

by ILoveMisha2



Series: The end [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5x04?, End!verse, Hurt, Superntaural - Freeform, The End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 06:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2802299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ILoveMisha2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this fic goes with the other fic: Your Halo turned to Dust. i suggest you read that one first then this but either way i think they will be okay and can stand alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trying to Mold the Dust back into a Halo

You want to find his pain. You know it starts in his halo and grows through his wings.You want to touch his pain, to relieve him of his heartache. But his halo has fallen and his wings have been set on fire. You know he fell long ago but you still want to touch his pain.

The only problem is you can’t find it and God knows you’ve tried. You’ve tried through each kiss, each ‘I Love You’, and each night of tangled limbs in warm sheets but nothing you’ve done has broken through to him.

You want to curse God for burning his wings and ripping off his halo. You want to curse yourself for letting him fall this low, for not stopping the drugs, for letting him take himself away from you. You want to and you try with everything you’ve got even though the camp needs you to be their leader.

You try and kiss your fallen angel again but you notice things that shouldn't be there such as open, emotionless blue eyes, non-responsive lips against your own that used to be so demanding, and the feel of heartache so deep you could drown in it.

You now think you’re the one who’s killing him that maybe each touch brings him closer to the end and in all selfishness you want to preserve him but also have him like you did before.

You need to know that he wants this too, that this is still worth fighting for but his blank stares, and hollow ‘I Love You too’ proves you otherwise. You come to the tragic conclusion that you are killing him but you can’t find it in yourself to leave him alone because you need him and you try and justify your actions by telling yourself that maybe in some universe you’re not killing him but willing him to get better.

So you continue on your path of trying to touch his pain with your love. You take the joint from his fingers that used to fit perfectly between yours and you hold him without words until you can’t stop yourself from trying to touch his pain again and you soon find your breath trailing up his neck, past his jaw, and hovering in front of his lips as you whisper the words you once thought would save him, ‘I Love You’.

The words seem right to you just like they always do and you always have the hope that he’ll say them back with as much sincerity but every time he doesn’t. Somehow you know he wants to, that deep down a part of your love still resides there, he just can’t seem to find himself and it hurts you to know he’s struggling inside himself and that you can’t find him either.

You wonder how those five long years brought you here, to this moment of utter misery and guilt. You want to erase all those years so he can have his halo be restored and to have those powerful wings rest on his back once more but to also see the all that faith and devotion in his eyes he no longer carries. You’d be lying if you said his downfall didn’t contribute to your own and yours to his.

You’re brought back to the present as the air passes through his lips without words attached and you want to suffocate him. You want to pull him out of his world he opens his eyes to daily. You want him to see you, not just you but himself as well. You want him to be okay again and have every broken piece erased, maybe even put into you if that meant he could be restored.

You don’t know how much longer you can take his misery before it becomes your own. As you get up to walk away you swear you heard him speak, even say ‘Stay’ but at the same time you know it was just your mind telling you what you wanted to hear, each time it always has been.

You know that the next day and the next and so on and so forth will go the same because you know he loves you somewhere in there like he used to. You’ll be the one that stops him from falling.

You just have to get his heart beating first.


End file.
